THE CAVENDER DIARY

Ahhhh…..Yepp

With Jayne Mansfield’s boobs, to be exact.

Blond bombshell Jayne Mansfield spent most of her career competing for attention with Marilyn Monroe…..mostly with staged accidents of her dress/bikini top/towel (Heck, whatever she was wearing at the time) falling off in front of photographers. A small handful of movies and a Playboy spread kept her in the public eye and she was the first major American actress to do a nude scene in a movie…..and in 1963, no less. Her death in a car accident in 1967, at age 34, spawned many vicious rumors; that she was decapitated and that the accident was the result of her involvement with the satanic church. Both: untrue.

The Jayne Mansfield Hot Water Bottle was dreamt up by one of her promoters during the height of her fame in 1957.  The bottles are 22 inches long, and made by novelty manufacturers Poynter Products of hard plastic molded into the shape of the famous sex symbol. Don Poynter spend 6 weeks sculpting the design for the bottles himself. What hot-blooded American young man in the late 1950’s wouldn’t want to warm up with Jayne Mansfield in bed?

At one point, there was even a proposal to do a life-size version, but the idea was eventually rejected as being too vulgar.

(A rare occasion of good judgment being exercised in the course of her career)

To the best of my research, the bottles were never actually produced with Jayne Mansfield’s signature pink bikini, but only in the black version.

I’ve been chasing one of these things for decades. They are usually priced way above my comfort level, but not his one….it was dirt cheap.

Maybe the dealer didn’t know what she was…..and she is missing the cap…..

But most likely because someone (possibly a young Bianca Del Rio) embellished her with eyes, mascara and lipstick.

I happen to have a plan,

After I gave her a warm, bubble-bath, (no doubt that Jayne would have loved that part)……

…..I tried a little acetone soaked Q-tip on her blemishes.

Please don’t ask me how I know this, it’s down-right shameful, but Barbie collectors use acetone to remove staining from vintage Barbies.

I started with a spot on her belly. If the acetone melts the rubber. I don’t want it to be on her face.

No melting, that I could see……so I tried it on her face.

I’m no expert, but it looks like acrylic craft paint for her eyes and lips and fine-point magic marker for the eyelashes.

Some gentle rubbing, and the face paint started to come off.

Lots and lots of generic Q-Tips later…..I had this.

Much improved.

The acetone removed quite a bit of added-on paint, and seemed to minimize the rest of the odd stains.

See?

Perfect addition to the ever-changing menagerie of our living room bookshelves.