San Juan, Post-Covid

Posted by James on July 27, 2021
Posted in: New Home. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 1 Comment

It’s so unbelievably nice to be able to travel again.

Puerto Rico may sound exotic, but it’s still part of the United States, and entering was relatively painless.

We simply uploaded our vaccination cards, and checked in daily with a local health app.

We’d been there about 9 years ago, with our dear friends the Pecks, and spent a single night before our Caribbean cruise. That one night was enough to convince us that we had to come back and spend more time.

So very glad we did.

We landed in sunny San Juan on Tuesday and flew back home Saturday afternoon.

Perfect amount of time for us to…

Visit the Castillo San Felipe del Morrow Fortress, (that has been guarding the port of San Juan for centuries)…

And waddle around the blue cobble-stone streets of Old San Juan…

And, of course, enjoy mojitos and soak in the sun on Isla Verde Beach….

And take a day trip to the El Yunque National Rainforest…

And take a cooling dip in the waters of the Rio Espiritu Santo (River of the Holy Spirit) at the Cascadas Saltos waterfall…

And eat mofongo – a local delicacy of smashed plantains and pork in a sweet creole sauce – and drink guava sangria…

I know, right?

GUAVA-FREAKIN’-SANGRIA!

And just plain goof around the resort…

It’s good to be back home,

Where they are currently, as I type this, installing our pool.

But it was also nice to return to a little more normalcy in our lives.

Christmas on Cavender 2020

Posted by James on December 27, 2020
Posted in: Christmas, New Home. Tagged: , , , , . 52 Comments

I know, I know… this year’s been a disaster.

I can’t even get my shit together long enough to post my Christmas pictures before Christmas.

Being a hoarder/collector of vintage Christmas, there’s almost always a pile of old ornaments on the kitchen counter, or on the coffee table, and the kitchen counters…

or my desk….

And the floor under my desk….

Anyhoo, since hardly anyone got to see any of this in person, I just had to share with the interwebs.

Enjoy.

The “Big” tree isn’t really that big; it’s only 7 foot.

The bubble lights are modern, I get them on Amazon lately, but the big Japanese lanterns are actually patio lights from the 60s.

Since last year the tree was entirely American glass, this year I crammed it with only European ornaments. About 95% Polish teardrops and reflectors, from companies like Fantasia Glass and Santa Land, that are hand-painted with Santas, snowmen, girls in ballgowns, bells, Poinsettias, and snowy cabins and churches. There’s also a sprinkling of free-blown Italian ornaments, mostly made by the De Carlini family, of all my favorite characters; Mickey/Minnie, Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Linus/Lucy, Tinkerbell, and Frosty.

The Italian Santa topper I found at a rummage sale for $5…. no lie.

And I debated whether or not I needed it.

Obviously, I did.

On the coffee table there’s a mercury-glass bowl that holds glass ornaments all year long.

These are all American, made by Corning Glass in the late 30s and early 40s, and featuring a few of the more unusual shapes; disco balls, grapes, a guitar, American Santa Claus and a few lanterns. My favorite is the square lantern with the stars on the sides.

I started collecting these glass candy canes just a few years ago. They were mostly made in the 1940s by the American company Kentlee.

The little plastic skater next to them is really a candy container made by Rosbro in the 1950s.

On the mantle are a few lighted Santas. The big one is Union and he’s a very hard plastic. The smaller “blow-mold” Santa was made by Empire and is their most popular Santa shape.

These toy Santas are mostly Rosbro candy containers, sold at five and dime stores in the 50s and 60s. The tallest Santa once held a wreath, that’s why he has his arms spread and holes in his hands. (I can’t afford one with a wreath) The second tallest Santa – with the crown – is a “King Santa” made by Harett-Gilmar, he’s a bank.

This table-top tinsel tree is the perfect way to display my 1930s Corning pinecones. Most glass pinecone ornaments were made in either Germany or Japan, and are a little more “organic” looking, so these guys really stand out with their perfect, American deco symmetry.

I absolutely love hunting for them.

On the TV console is a small white “feather” tree with figural light bulbs.

(The Roy Rogers magazine above it is from January? of 1952 and depicts Roy decorating a tree with Shiny Brites)

Once I knew what look for, I find these guys all the time for just a few bucks. They were produced in Japan and I think peaked in popularity in the 1930s. Once one of them stopped working – the whole string stopped working – so most people would hang them as ornaments. Because Santas and bells are a dime a dozen, now I focus on the more unusual characters.

At the other end of the console, next to the photo of our sweet Harley Davidson with a wreath around her neck, is a small styrofoam cone filled with vintage Holiday pins.

Just when y’all think all this stuff is mine… this is Jamie’s collection.

He even found the silver ice bucket it’s in.

The shabby little deer is a vintage bank from Montgomery Wards, the company that invented Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer. (They did, Google it). At one point he had a red light bulb in his nose that would light every time you dropped a coin in his slot. (I can’t afford one with a light-up nose either)

Across the room, next to Christmas cards and plastic Noma bells, there’s a small, dingy tinsel tree crammed – and I mean CRAMMED – with unsilvered striped ornaments. When silver nitrate was rationed during WW2 American ornament companies countered with clear glass ornaments; sometimes with a piece of tinsel inside for sparkle.

The colored lights are C-6 size cones with Diamond Ray punched tin reflectors. Because they heat up so intensely, and I also want them to last another 80 years, I dim them with a table-top dimmer.

The plastic Santa on top seems to ruffle a lot of “vintage Christmas purest’s” feathers because he’s from a completely different decade than the ornaments and lights.

He’s a 1950s Santa Glo tree top or wall plaque.

And as if that weren’t enough options, he also sits flat on a table.

Shiny Brites that didn’t make it onto a tree this year are stacked next to my War-era tree in their 1950’s boxes.

As if you can’t tell… it’s my favorite vintage ornament box.

Even more Shiny Brites fill a glass cylinder on the kitchen table.

The slim tinsel tree in the living room is filled with Premier ornaments. Premier was a small American ornament company that competed with Shiny Brite for almost 20 years. Shiny Brite eventually bought them out and converted several Premier molds to fit their own wider caps. I think their bright colors shine like precious jewels on the silver.

Found this galvanized “Holiday Flowers” tub at a junk store last year. I’m sure it’s from Home Goods or Pottery Barn or some other such place…. but I really like it.

And it works perfectly lifting this tree up another 2 feet.

Here’s even more of Jamie’s collections, ceramic trees.

These were pretty popular in the 60s and 70s.

So that’s our post-holiday house tour.

Hope y’all enjoyed.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

How I Spent My Summer

Posted by James on October 11, 2020
Posted in: New Home. Tagged: , , . 9 Comments

So here’s a situation we didn’t expect to be in this soon. 

This was our main bathroom a few short weeks ago.

Not bad,

Not particulary memorable either.

We’ve known about a water leak somewhere, there was always a small puddle on the floor behind the toilet. (No surprise really, the whole bathroom floor slopes slightly towards that one corner.) 

One day the toilet tipped… as if it weren’t even attached to the floor… and we knew we’d better address the situation immediately. The broken toilet had to go. We’d been planning to replace it with a match to the one in the Master bathroom anyway.

So I grabbed a hammer and a crowbar to find that reason for the loose toilet AND the constant puddle.

No surprise, the toilet wasn’t attached to the floor anymore.

The flange had broken away from the drain pipe. Completely. Probably years ago. See that pipe with a rag stuffed in it? There should be a flange attached to the top of it to hold the toilet to the floor….

and there isn’t.

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Honestly, my first intent was to just to replace/repair as much of the floor as I could, but once I started tearing things out…. I couldn’t stop. The floor tile, the damp MDF underlayment (don’t use MDF as an underlayment. EVER), tar-paper, a layer of linoleum floor (probably original to the house), down to the damp/rotted subfloor. The sink cabinet went next (I’ve never cared for it), the sink, the tile half-way up the walls, ALL of the drywall – down to the studs, everything surrounding the shower,

I was like an unstoppable machine,

until I got to the cast iron tub.

There was no way that beast was moving for us. 

I grabbed a Bagster from the Home Depot ($30 for the bag, about $175 for the company to fetch it once it’s full) and we filled it with bathroom shrapnel in a day. The very same day that our neighborhood’s big trash pick up was.

And the city took it. For FREE.

On to Bagster numero dos. This one was solely for the cast iron bath tub. Our plumber removed the thing and dragged it to the curb, where the scrap metal guy, who regularly patrols our neighborhood, pounced on it in less than an hour.

Our second FREE Bagster removal. 

That constant leak rotted out a good amount of the subfloor. Which we removed.

Once again, we had a reverse-Nevada-ish shaped hole in a bathroom floor.

Benjamin Franklin Plumbing did the work on our other bathroom and I can only think of good things to say about them. Although, this may just be a coincidence, but two out of the last three plumbers had grandmothers die while working for us.

I’m not implying that they were lying.

That’s their karma to deal with.

It’s just that the mortality rate for our plumber’s grandmothers seems to be unexpectedly high.

Plumber Johnny arrived early, and after surveying my damage – and 20 minutes of math in his truck – he came back with a plan of attack. And at a decent price.

You’re hired. 

The only wrinkle was that Johnny couldn’t start for a week…. his grandmother had just died.

No lie.

One week later Johnny returned and removed that tub so I could replace the subfloor with a level layer of plywood. (Sistered up all the old floor joists too for some extra stability)

Who doesn’t like an empty box of a room with limitless possibilities?

Now, I’m probably not the most tech savvy guy – Jamie will enthusiastically tell y’all about my flip phone and foil-covered TV antenna that I had when we met – but in the land of online shopping;

I’m a fearless Viking.

In just under an hour I’d ordered a modern toilet, beveled subway tile, and a new door with a frosted glass insert from the Home Depot. Sink, sink cabinet, and shaving mirror from Ikea. Scored an out of production Ikea faucet for a song on eBay. Can lights, bathroom fan, towel bar, and even a modern/industrial light for over the mirror. The West Elm mirror was the only thing we salvaged from the old bathroom. 

Still needed a bath tub and all the shower fixturing.

So Jamie and I made a trek to Apex Plumbing Supply to survey deep bathtubs and shower fixtures (I’d been demolishioning all day and probably looked a little….. homeless; ratty T-shirt, shoes with holes, and drywall in my hair) where I was promptly met with,

get this shit…

“Did you need something?”

No kidding. That’s honestly how the chick at the showroom greeted me; like I was freakin’ Julia Roberts trying to buy a cocktail dress on Rodeo Drive in the early 90s.

Obviously, everything there was “VERY expensive”.

At least we established who wouldn’t be getting the commission off of our meager purchase. 

While the bitch with the attitude was distracted on the phone with a “real” customer, Ricardo helped us. What he may have lacked in product knowledge, he more than made up for with his people skills.

Here’s the new tub Ricardo had delivered to us.

Beautiful, ain’t she?

And deep. OOOh so very deep.

Especially compared to the 7-inch deep, cast iron “tray” we’d been bathing in for the last 9 years.

Some of us couldn’t wait to try it with water in it..

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There is exactly 67 inches between the studs, and bathtubs come in standard sizes of 60 and 66 inch widths. “The bigger the better”, we thought…… anticipating the major wrestling match to get the darn thing in the space. But I didn’t want that weird 6 inches of wasted space on the left side of the tub.

But ya know what? There was hardly any issue at all. A little wiggling was all it took for us to get her through the door opening and sandwiched perfectly in place.

(I was seriously prepared to remove an entire wall if need be.)

Best part, it weighs about 60 pounds. The glory of fiberglass, ladies and gentlemen.

Plumber Johnny returned again and plumbed the tub drain, then set all the knobs, spouts and diverters for the fixtures. I furred the walls to prep for…..

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Hardie-board. 

Starting to look like a bathroom!

Am I right?

Jamie ran mesh seam tape over all the seams….

Then spread mortar over all the tape and screw heads, to keep them water-tight.

But the real water-proofing is in the Red Guard water-proofing membrane.

Jamie smeared it on all the wet surfaces.

Redguard on bathroom walls

Up Next: Tile.

So, I know what most of y’all are probably thinking. “Here he goes again. 3 years of teasing us with a bathroom remodel with no climax.”

Not this time.

I assure you.

Stay tuned…

Just Between Us Squirrel Friends…

Posted by James on September 13, 2020
Posted in: New Home. 21 Comments

There was a squirrel nest in the only tree in the backyard, and intricately woven into that ball of leaves and twigs was a long strip of a weathered American flag.

It stopped me in my tracks.

It was like when that dove shit on Dianne Lane in Under the Tuscan Sun.

The squirrels here were decorating with American flags.

They get me.

It was a clear sign to me that that this was the house for us.

That we were home.

Flash forward a couple years to the moment when I caught our back-door neighbor (I like to use the term “Back-Door Neighbor” because it sounds like the title of a 70’s porn) shooting at the squirrels with a pellet gun…

and I just lost my shit on him.

Seriously,

LOST.

MY.

SHIT.

He never said a single word of rebuttal, just stood there staring at me as I loudly ranted; comparing him to Jeffrey Dahmer and Ed Gein – both of whom tortured and killed small animals as children. I know, I know. I should have held my temper. He did, after all, have immediate access to a gun… it was still in his hand.

But these were MY squirrels. Squirrels that I had names for. I feed them in the winter months leaving pecans along the top of the fence. I talk to them whenever I do yard work, and they talk to me too. They really do. They let me know whenever there’s a cat in the alley. When I chase one out of my fig tree they never hold back their disagreement, chattering loudly at me from a safe distance above our yard, that the figs are just as much theirs as they are mine. 

Which they aren’t.

Yes, of course I should have done the adult thing and apologized to the neighbor for being so overly-emotional – we might be living next to each other for the rest of our lives – but within a month he had sold his house and moved…

…for reasons that I’m relatively sure were completely unrelated to me – the high strung, rodent-loving fag across the alley.

Anyhoo, Jamie saw one of these things on the internets the other day and since I have a butt-load of scrap wood in the garage, ferrel animals that need pampering, and all the free time in the world, I thought I’d give it a go.

I’ve included some basic instructions just incase y’all might wanna try making one of your own.

(I used pressure treated lumber, only because that’s what I had on hand, but you can use whatever wood you like.)

Here’s what ya need to cut;

  • 5 – 1″X2″, 8″ long
  • 2 – 1″X2″, 5 3/4″ long
  • 4 – 1″X2″, 4 3/4″ tip to tip
  • 2 – 1″X1″, 9 1/2″ long

Breakdown of Pieces for Squirrel Picnic Table

Start with the table top, Line up 3 of the 8″ boards, table top planks, with a 1/4 inch spacing between them.

In case y’all are wondering how three 2 inch boards lay on top of a 5 3/4 inch board with space between them, it’s important to point out that a 2 inch wide board is really 1 3/4 inches wide – wood shrinkage, apparently. “Why don’t they just cut the wood slightly larger to accommodate for the shrinkage?” you may ask. No clue. It’s been driving me crazy for decades… but every single straight man on the planet just accepts this fact. So let’s move on….

I attached the top cross pieces to the table planks with drywall screws. Be sure to leave distance between the cross piece and the ends of the table planks; 1 inch at one end and 3/4 an inch at the other.

Underside of Picnic Table

Next I built the seats with the remaining 8 inch planks and the two 1X1s. Also leaving 3/4 inch distance on one side and 1 inch on the other. The narrower side will go up against the tree.

Underside of Seat

For the legs, I set my miter saw at 22.5 degrees, that’s one quarter of 90 degrees, and cut 4 of them at 4 3/4 inches long.

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The legs I attached with a brad nailer because I didn’t want to see the screws on my finished table.

Use a Brad Nailer to Connect the Pieces

Then I slipped my seat piece in-between the legs, resting just about an inch from the bottom of the feet, and brad nailed it too.

And here’s my finished table.

Finished Squirrel Picnic Table

The front has a slight overhang, while the back of it is flat so it will hang flush on a tree, or fence, or wherever.

I obviously just screwed mine to the side of our tree, about 8 feet up –

just high enough to really piss of our dog,

and baited it with raw peanuts.

Didn’t take long for Jamie to snap a shot of one of our squirrels enjoying it.

I think this goes without saying, but it’s mounted on our side of the tree and not facing our new backdoor neighbors; Anna and Diego.

They don’t really strike me as the types who would shoot at little animals…

…but I have no intention of helping them with their target practice either.

You’re welcome squirrels.

Now stay out of my fig tree.

These are a few of…

Posted by James on August 9, 2020
Posted in: New Home. 14 Comments

I’ve lost about 40 pounds in the past couple of years.

Thank you….. Thank you.

Seriously, there’s no need to make a fuss.

I’m proud of me too.

Anyhoo, in the far back depths of the attic were a couple of tubs labeled

“Old Polo Clothes”

It was mostly stuff from the 90’s, that is all much too big for me now. Pieces that I absolutely love and wanted to hold onto but obviously haven’t worn in decades…. and will probably never wear again. So why not list them on the eBay and see if I can find good homes for all this amazing stuff?

(I’ve been having great luck selling old Christmas lately)

So Jamie took a few shots of me modeling the goods in the backyard.

Clearly I’m not afraid of color.

Orange Reversible Flight Jacket

Ebay Sales Collage 2

Linen Golf Sweater with Hawaiian Shorts

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Ebay Sales Collage 1

Royal Blue Rain Coat and Painters Jeans

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American Living Peacoat and Red Dog Shorts

Are you a guy who wears a lot of color?

Or, maybe you know a guy who wears a lot of color?

Or maybe, you just wanna check it out?

You know you do.

Hit this link right here; James Angus eBay Sales

Everything goes live today,

Priced to sell.

Except for the things that I maybe don’t want to sell.

Tool Shed 2.0

Posted by James on July 22, 2020
Posted in: New Home, Projects. Tagged: , , , , . 24 Comments

Without a doubt our tool shed brings more visitors to our humble little blog than any other project we’ve done.

About 500 – 600 visitors a day, seriously.

…..and then each one of them asks where we bought it without bothering to read the post. (insert eye roll)

Skymall Magazine, 10 years ago… Sorry, they don’t make them anymore.

Well, our sad little shed has seen better days. (same with that potting bench).

The Before Tool Shed and Potting Bench

It’s cute,

…but not very functional.

In fact, it’s too short to fit standard garden tools in.

I’d always planned on building a bigger, better shed; just haven’t had the time.

When I heard that I wouldn’t be working for the month of July, I knew exactly what project I would tackle next.

Started with a new base – I reused the concrete pavers from the path as the floor; I plan on replacing all the small ones with 24 inch squares – I just set them inside a frame made of preasure-treated 2X4s.

Like so…

New Base for Tool Shed with Old pavers

It should be noted here that my construction skills are akin to a 10-year-old building a tree house; not a lot of premeasuring, or planning of any kind really, I just start screwing boards together.

(Always use screws for projects like this. They make it easier to go backwards.)

I knew that the whole structure needed to be tall enough to accommodate tools, so I started the back wall at seven feet.

The Back Wall Structure of New Tool Shed

Now it will easily hold…. a standard garden rake.

I’ve been replacing the aged boards on the cedar fence for the past few weeks and had a stockpile of the old stained cedar that I just couldn’t bare to toss.

Jamie used a power sander to sand the stain off of most of them…

Jamie Sanding Down Reclaimed Boards

And what was underneath was just too beautiful to not use somewhere.

So I used them to line the inside of my shed.

Back Wall of Tool Shed with Reclaimed Cedar

Or the back wall, anyway.

Then I built the 2X4 frames for the sides…

Wall Studs in Place for the New Tool Shed

…and added a roof support.

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Yes, I realize that I’m shaking up the proper order of construction… Most people would build the whole frame first before worrying about the inside walls.

But I got so excited seeing the progress.

Lining the INside Sides with Reclaimed Cedar

Isn’t it just beautiful?

Finished Clading the INside of the Tool Shed with Reclaimed Cedar

It rained the night after I took this picture….

So I should probably figure out the roof.

We had the whole roof replaced on the house about 2 years ago, it was leaking in several spots, and they left us a couple boxes of shingles.

Easy peasy, I just nailed a couple rows on top of a sheet of plywood.

New Roof of Tool Shed with Unused Shingles

I do love consistency.

Miss the old tin roof.…. but I LOVE consistency even more.

Then I added new cedar trim to the outside of the shed with rough fencing cedar.

Outside of New Tool Shed Clad in New Cedar

….and stained everything – except the inside – Behr “Russet” semi-transparent stain.

To match the fence of course.

New Cedar Stained with Russet Stain

Consistency. 

The doors were next. I actually made door frames from some scrap wood we had in the garage.

Adding the Doors to the Tool Shed

I filled them with cedar slats just like…. wait a minute.

I missed a step.

Let’s back up a few weeks.

I’ve never been too thrilled with seeing our air conditioner from the deck.

Side of the HOuse Before I Hid the Air Conditioner

I understand the importance of these machines – especially during a Texas summer – I just don’t want to see it.

And to think, we moved it to this current location. It used to be in the middle of the backyard directly under the master bedroom window. A pretty inconvenient spot since we planned on building a deck stretched across the entire back of the house. And one day French doors from the master bedroom out on to that deck….

But I digress,

Back in June I built a 4 1/2 foot by 6 1/2 foot louvered privacy screen to hide the beast.

I started by setting a cedar post in concrete; something I’ve never done before.

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The other side is a 2X4 mounted to the corner of the house.

Of course, at the same height as my new post.

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I just ran 1X2 cedar strips across….

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… and caped it with a chunky 2X6 cedar plank.

Like so,

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Still lets plenty of air flow to the unit…

AND

…keeps me from seeing the ugly thing from the deck.

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I louvered my shed doors with the same 1X2 cedar strips.

Like so,

Louvered Doors on Tool Shed

Consistency

They aren’t my best work, and will probably get updated in the next year or so, but they look fine for now.

So let’s not dwell on them for too long and move on to the potting bench.

Here’s the view of the old potting bench looking in from the side gate about 7 years ago…

Garden Bench on the Side of the House with Tool Shed

And the same space about 3 weeks ago…

The Shameful Before of our Potting Bench

I know, I know….. it’s pretty embarrassing.

It may just look like a dumping ground, but we honestly do use this space for repotting orchids for the bathrooms and propagating cacti and succelents.

The bench in the top picture is a kitchen island from Ikea. I think y’all know just how long that Swedish plywood/cardboard hybrid thing lasted in the Texas elements…

Maybe a year.

The second potting bench I found in a neighbor’s trash pile; I think it’s the metal frame for a desk. I planned on posting about my find, how we painted it and built the wood top, but I never got around to it. Besides, it was just too short to use as a proper potting bench.

Back to the street it went. (Actually, I gave it to a friend)

Building my own bench, I can customize the height – a standard table is about 30 inches tall, my potting bench will be closer to 40 inches.

I started with a row of 4X4 cedar posts along the wall, with a couple 2X4s connecting them.

The Back Supports of the Potting Bench

It looks like the posts are attached to the house, but they aren’t. The whole piece is freestanding. And since the yard slopes, each post is a slightly different length.

That’s why there’s a level in almost every picture.

So in theory, I could move it. But I’d never want to because on a flat surface this thing would angle drastically down to the right.

In the same vane as the tool shed, there was no real plan, I just kinda kept building it…

The Potting Bench is Starting to Come Together

…mostly out of scrap lumber we had in the garage, staining each piece as I went.

For the lower shelves I used pressure-treated 2X2s.

Rails as Potting Bench Shelf

They’re strong enough to hold heavy pots, and also won’t rot in the elements.

Potting Bench Just Needs Top Now

Plus, they pair up pretty nicely with the louvered doors I made for the shed.

See?

New Tool Shed and Potting Bench

Consistency 

Now, let’s see what all this looks like with a bunch of crap piled on it.

New Tool Shed and Potting Bench Perfection

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Potting Bench Collage 1

New Potting Bench to Pot Ferns

Peeking Around the Corner at the New Tool Shed

Potting Bench Collage 2

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Such an improvement.

Wanna see the organizational perfection happening inside the tool shed?

I know you do.

BA-BAM!

Supe Organized Inside Tool Shed

Isn’t it just yard tool heaven?

A place for everything, and everything in its place.

Way, more, much better than what we had before.

On to the next project.

 

Beck, I Hear You Calling

Posted by James on July 18, 2020
Posted in: New Home. Tagged: , , , , , . 3 Comments

Maybe it’s just the extreme boredom lately, but I thought I’d delve into the interesting history of one of my favorite songs.

Beth, by KISS.

(Sure, they “borrowed” the theatrics from Alice Cooper, but how many hard rock bands did they inspire? Marilyn Manson, Motley Cru, Slipknot, Ozzy Osbourne, Metallica, and pretty much every hair-metal band in the 80’s)

I found a clip on YouTube from the 1978 TV movie, KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park.

(Yes, that was an actual movie. You can’t make this shit up, I swear)


Not really the sound that the KISS Army – that’s what their fans call themselves – was expecting from the “Knights In Satan’s Service” in 1976.

Drummer Peter Criss,

alone,

without Paul Stanley

without Gene Simmons

without Ace Freeley,

recorded KISS’ biggest hit. In fact, it’s the only KISS song to not feature a contribution from any of the other band members.

No wonder they hate it. 

Criss was backed by Alice Cooper’s guitarist Dick Wagner. But it was legendary KISS producer Bob Ezrin who had the idea to bring in the New York Philharmonic Orchestra.

I know, just brilliant.

The song was written by Peter Criss and Stan Penridge while they were playing together in the band Chelsea. Only it wasn’t titled Beth in the beginning, it was Beck. Guitarist Mike Brand’s wife, Becky, would constantly call and interrupt Chelsea rehearsals. So much so, that Penridge started taking notes of everything Mike told his nagging wife. He and Criss wrote the song just as a poke in the ribs to poor Mike.

Line for line the lyrics are a conversation between a hen-pecked husband (Mike) and his wife Becky, or Beck.

Beck, I know you’re calling

But I can’t come home right now

Me and the boys are playing 

But we just can’t find the sound

Just a few more hours 

And I’ll be right home to you 

I think I hear them calling now

(I know you like complaining)

Oh Beck, what can I do? 

Beck what can I do?

“Just pause after each sentence and pretend there’s a bitch at the other end of the line. You’ll catch it.” explains Stan Penridge.

KISS Destroyer Album

Even though Paul and Gene fought to keep the song off the album, Destroyer, it was released as the B-side to the album’s third single, Detroit Rock City, in an attempt to bury it.

I mean, who actually listens to B-sides?

Rosalie Trombley’s teenage daughter, that’s who.

Rosalie Trombley was the program director at CKLW in Ontario. Egged on by her teenage daughter, who was obsessed with the B-side, she added Beth to the station’s playlist.

The song was an instant hit, and Casablanca Records quickly re-released it as a single, only this time as the A-side, with Detroit Rock City – Paul and Gene’s song – on the flip side.

It was the fist KISS single to go gold, and even garnered play on adult contemporary stations – GASP!

Something the KISS Army of fans never would have expected.

The song’s television debut was on the Paul Lynd 1976 Halloween Special. (If you haven’t seen it, I HIGHLY recommend that you do. It’s just a perfect example of campy 70’s variety shows.) Criss pretends to play the piano and lip syncs a shortened version of the song.

Oh Hell, you’re not doing anything else right now. Here ya go. Watch this….

In later years, Paul Stanley has made several claims that Peter Criss didn’t realy have much to do with writing the song, and that it was mostly Penridge’s work. “It was a lifeline that Peter hung on to validate himself.” When Criss was fired from the band in 1980 the new drummers, Eric Carr and then eventually Eric Singer, took up performing the song on tours.

Paul Stanley wouldn’t touch it.

Interesting enough, Lydia Criss, Peter’s first wife, claims that she is responsible for the song’s name change from “Beck” to “Beth”.

AND she also claims to have added the last few lines of the song, upset that the band’s success meant that Peter was always on the road touring and rarely home with her, she told him,

“I feel so empty. I feel like this house isn’t even my home.”

And Peter put that in the song.

Doesn’t really matter who wrote it, it’s always been one of my favorite songs.

And now it’s stuck in your head.

You’re welcome.

You Don’t Have to Put on the Red (Barn) Light

Posted by James on June 24, 2020
Posted in: New Home. Tagged: , , , , , . 24 Comments

I’ve been in covid-related limbo the last couple of months.

Jamie’s job hasn’t really been affected.

While I’m not in demand so much anymore.

Not a big deal because with all my new-found free time I have been catching up on the myriad of house projects that have slipped through the cracks over the past decade.

It’s good for me to keep busy.

Idle hands and all,

One of those overlooked projects is replacing the light over our garage.

Neither of us remembers what was on the back of the house originally, and we can’t really tell from this tiny, tiny little picture that I saved from the Trulia listing. (Notice the stylish pea-soup green garage)

Cavender House Backyard from Listing

I assume it’s one of those double-headed outdoor floodlight fixtures, probably with a motion detector, and 2 exposed lightbulbs.

Not very sexy, I know. But these were the “standard” on every single basic American house built from about 1945 until…… actually, I don’t think they’ve ever stopped being the “standard”.

I found this ever so affordable (somewhere in the $30 range) silver barn light on Amazon sometime after we moved in.

Old Silver Barn Light Over the Garage Door

It’s small,

It’s sans the standard barn light gooseneck,

It’s oddly shallow,

It’s been… fine.

Garage Door with Former Small Silver Barn Light

Utterly forgettable, … but fine.

With the addition of the sunset sensor, that little box over the top of it, it has served its purpose for just over 10 years. Until sometime in January when the sensor just stopped working.

I thought about painting it glossy orange, but why bother if I have to keep flipping a switch like a neanderthal every time I want to see what’s happening in the driveway at night?

I’m kinda ready for something new anyway.

I started the hunt on Amazon for a replacement (preferably one with a built-in sunset sensor – which is a surprisingly rare feature in a barn light.)

There were a lot of beauties to choose from, but I settled on this goosenecked girl right here.

IMG_2163

In bright red.

THE COLOR OF A FIRE ENGINE!

16 inches is plenty big, and just happens to match the size of the black factory pendants already hanging inside the garage.

Pricey though. Costs as much as 9 of those black factory pendants.

But here’s the clincher. I had American Express rewards points transferred to an Amazon gift card and my final cost was only $7.24.

Seriously.

(Plus another 10 bucks for the sundown sensor – sold seperately)

It’s even more beautiful in person, heavy and well constructed, with a glossy powder-coated enamel finish. American-made even. Huge improvement over that last 2 light fixtures that hung in that space.

Since nothing is ever easy, I had to move the light mount up 5 inches on the wall above the garage door so it would be centered on the little wall section appropriately.

Two Holes are Not Better Than One

Tedious work, I know.

But it absolutely needed to be 5 inches higher.

I used a Dremel to cut a new round hole in the exterior and simply transferred the round mounting box to the new hole and the cut-out wood circle to the previous hole…

…and filled in with a little putty.

New Electrical Box Over Old One

Since I’m already painting the wall I might as well paint the sundown sensor to match.

Another tedious detail.

That odd little black box…

  • Why is it black?
  • Who has a black house?
  • Why would anyone ever need to see it?

…will definitely distract from the beauty of my new glossy-red lamp.

I taped around my newly-installed red lamp, and placed a little circle of blue painter’s tape over the sundown sensor eye. Then I coated everything that wasn’t a red barn light with paint to match the color of the house.

“Vanilla Cream” is what we call it because we honestly don’t know what it’s real name is, the house just came this color.

(Well, that garage didn’t come this color, the rest of the house did, but now it all matches)

Painters Tape Around BAse

Now, here’s the one detail about this kinda pricy barn light that just doesn’t make sense to me…

THE MOUNTING SCREWS ARE SILVER….?

Why are the Screws Silver

Seriously?

Who produces a product like that?

Jamie had to remind me that not all of the world is designed by art directors and “regular folks” don’t care about details like this.

I’m sure silver screws on red laquer are just fine and dandy for “regular folks”… but there are anal-retentive detail-oriented people living in this house.

And we just can’t have that.

Remember that glossy enamel paint we used to use on model airplanes as kids?

They still make it.

(My dear friend George will remember road-trippin’ us to a hobby shop in Grapevine, Tx to buy it when we were kids because we were too young to buy it in our hometown.)

Testors Red

So I took another road-trip, this time to Michael’s in Cedar Hill, and returned with four little jars with four different shades of red to choose from.

In case you’re wondering…

“RED” matched the best.

IMG_6775

Go figure.

Pretty, ain’t she?

New Red Barn Light Over Garage

Notice how the patched hole, silver mounting screws and black sundown sensor all fail to distract for her beauty……

You’re welcome.

“Detail Oriented”, he whispers to himself.

Here’s our driveway right after I installed the little silver light about 9 years ago…

Back Driveway & Grass

And here’s that same view today, with our new red barn light in all her glory.

Driveway June of 2020

Way, More, Much better.

Am I  right?

Looks even better at night….

Driveway with New Red BArn Light at Night

OH, and as if moving the wall mount up 5 inches and painting the screw heads red wasn’t detail oriented enough….

Over the past 2 weeks I repainted the garage door – you can see how battered it looks in the top-most picture, power-washed the driveway, replaced the river rock border with pea gravel, added a few more razor grasses, replaced all the cap boards on the fence… and, why not, restained the entire fence.

Just to take a picture….

No worries,

I had the time.

The Art of the Conversational

Posted by James on June 4, 2020
Posted in: New Home. Tagged: , , , , , . 14 Comments

There’s been a lot of cleaning and reorganizing around the Cavender house the past couple of weeks, and I thought it was a pretty good time to color-order and photograph my ties.

I photograph to prevent me from buying repeats.

Yeah, I have that many.

Assortment of Old Polo Ralph Lauren Ties

But in my defense, I went to college at a time when a man was judged solely on the number Polo ties that he owned.

When I was laying them out to photograph, Jamie asked me if this was for a blog post.

No, of course not. 

But as I was shuffling through the basic rep stripes, tartan plaids, and foulards there were just so many beautiful printed ones. I rarely wear ties anymore and it’s such a shame to just tuck them back into a dark closet. (Except for the cashmere and wool; they live in the garage freezer.)

I thought why not share a few of my favorite conversationals?

“What the hell is a conversational tie?” you may ask.

Exactly what it sounds like; a tie print loaded with so much personality that it sparks a conversation.

It’s certainly no secret who my favorite fashion designer is.

Ralph Lauren started with ties. He did, in 1967. In the mid 1960s men’s ties were black, grey or navy. Two inches wide. End of search. But Mr. Lauren knew that fashionable men like himself were looking something different. With a small investment from Ned Brower, and working out of a single drawer in the Empire State Building, he repped sample ties made from upholstery fabrics; velvets, brocades and damasks. Not only were the fabrics unusual – some so thick they had to be finished by hand – his ties were also wide. Very wide, almost four inches.

Bloomingdales was a huge account, and one that would give the young designer a presence on 5th Avenue. But when the big retailer requested that he narrow them, AND forgo his POLO label – Bloomingdale’s would stitch in their own tags – Mr. Lauren refused.

His vision just wouldn’t be compromised.

Bloomingdale’s reluctantly backed down and bought a handful just in time for Father’s Day shopping. Mr. Lauren gave each salesman in the Bloomingdale’s men’s department a tie, showed them the proper way to tie it (with little dimple centered just below the knot) and even polished the store’s brass display case himself.

His wider, more luxurious ties were an immediate hit….. and y’all know the rest; it wasn’t long before there were Polo brand shirts and suits to wear them with.

I’ve been collecting Ralph Lauren ties for about 35 years now. When I was working in retail sales, I coveted ties like these but they were much too expensive for me to buy without an employee discount. Now I mostly find them on eBay and at consignment and thrift stores – usually in the ten dollar range.

I thought I’d take y’all on a tour of a few of my favorite conversationals.

Vintage Fish on Buffalo Check on Vintage Polo Tie

Conversational Tie Collage 1

Field and Stream Magazine Cover on Vintage Polo Tie

Nautical Ralph Lauren Conversational Ties

Bronc Buster on Vintage Ralph Lauren Tie

American Flag on Vintage Polo Tie.

Jockeys Racing Across Old Polo Tie

Buffalo Bill on Vintage Polo Tie

Conversational Tie Collage 2

Bear on Vintage Polo Tie

Bucking Broncos on Vintage Polo Tie

Vintage Deco Polo Player Print on Vintage Polo Tie

Conversational Tie Collage 3

Vintage Travel Poster on Vintage Polo Tie

Vintage Sports Players on Vintage Polo Tie

Embroidered Jockey on Vintage Polo Tie

Equestrian Print on Vintage Polo Tie

IMG_6474

Assortment of Bird Themed Vintage RL Ties

Conversational Tie Collage 4

Guns and Bucks on a Vintage Ralph Lauren Converstional Tie

The 90s saw a huge upsurge for the conversational tie. Nicole Miller, Tabasco Sauce and even Jerry Garcia got in on the action. There’s a very fine line between cool and tacky, and it was Mr. Lauren, of course, who lead the pack with his cool conversational ties. He pulled inspiration from vintage Field and Stream magazine covers, Hermes scarves and deco travel posters. Flamingos, yachts, roulette, cricket, hula girls, rifles – whatever your interest, he made a tie for it.

I think they are like little works of art.

It was about the time that Regis Philbin appeared in monochromatic shirt/tie combos on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire…… that it all went to hell. Men’s fashion tastes shifted towards sleek and modern,

and conversational ties became a joke.

I realize that ties in general are almost completely passé – men don’t really wears them anymore; even to job interviews. (rolls eyes)

The generation under me views them as a corporate noose.

They prefer ties to be black, grey, or navy. Two inches wide.

Not this guy.

Give me a dog,

or a cowboy,

or a fish.

Is It Still Wallpaper if it’s on the Ceiling?

Posted by James on May 23, 2020
Posted in: New Home, Projects. 33 Comments

“As God is my witness, as God is my witness it’s not going to lick me. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. I’m going to live through this and when it’s all over, as God is my witness, I’ll never hang wallpaper on a ceiling again.”

Have any of y’all ever been neck-deep into a project and realized that maybe you’ve finally fucked up and bit off more than you could chew?

Because I haven’t.

I’m the most talented person I know, and I can do anything.

Or so I thought.

Let’s start at the beginning. Do y’all watch Grace Mitchell On HGTV’s One of a Kind? Amongst a flood of shows about twins and shiplap this chick is a breath of fresh air. She designs interiors around her client’s personal experiences. Grace never misses an opportunity to wallpapers a ceiling – sometimes TWO – and they are ALWAYS stunning. Before her, I’d always thought wallpapered ceilings made a room look…. well, short.

Back in March, with Grace’s inspiration bouncing around my head, I ordered a few rolls of this constellation wallpaper; Ralph Lauren Northern Hemisphere.

Northern Hemisphere Wallpaper in the Color I wanted

If I was going to be stuck at home for a few weeks I might as well make the most of it and paper the guest room ceiling. Right?

After about two months of tapping my foot…… I finally received THIS wallpaper.

Northern Hemisphere Wallpaper in Color I Didn't Want

Problem numero uno. Wrong paper.

It’s darker…. the difference between Aegean blue and navy….. and all the verbiage is gold.

GOLD

Honestly, it was my mistake. I was in a hurry and didn’t realize that my preferred color was unavailable. If wallpaper on the ceiling makes a room feel short, won’t a darker color make that even worse? So it sat in the garage for a week, while I decided either to return it….. or accept the dark blue and gold.

GOLD

I might as well get this over with.

Wallpaper isn’t completely new to me, I’ve hung it a few times. I’ve also paid close attention while my contractors hung it. It’s the installing it upside down part that has me a little apprehensive. So I refreshed my skills with a couple Youtube videos and read a few online tutorials – Brian Patrick Flynn has several step-by-steps on HGTV.com– and I was ready.

This should just take a few hours.

I emptied the guest room and assembled my wallpapering tools…

Tools for Wallpapering

…then tackled problem numero dos; the work surface.

At fist glance, our guest room ceiling looks fine.

Ceiling in Guest Room

Zoom in a little closer and it looks more like the surface of moon.

Is that Aitken?

Surface of the Moon

It’s an old house, and we know she used to have popcorn ceilings.

I grabbed a metal scrapper and a razor blade and scraped off as much of the mountainous landscape as I could. I also filled in the “craters” with a light shmeer of drywall compound, followed by an even lighter sanding.

Patched and Scraped Ceiling

The next step in wallpaper surface prep is to apply a sealer/primer. Like PRO-999. Not only will the sealer/primer help the paper adhere to the ceiling better, it will also make it easier to remove if we ever changed our minds.

I think I would normally just skip this step, but I wanted to use my whole ass and not just half of it… and Lord knows, I’ve got plenty of free time to do things correctly.

Wallpaper Primer Collage

I used a roller with 1/4 inch nap – save the 3/8 nap for paint.

3 – 12 hours of drying time means my fist day is finished.

Day #2

Because I know that my wallpaper is 27 inches wide, the next morning I used the plumb line to mark the ceiling at 27 inch intervals.

Wallpaper Primer Applied and Line for Stripes

Here’s where the wisdom of my vast experience comes in handy. I took my paper to the Home Depot and had the chick in the paint department color-match a quart of flat latex.

Blue Paint to Match Wallpaper

With a 4 inch sponge roller, I painted over my chalk lines…. like so.

Blue Stripes on Ceiling

Now if there are any gaps between the paper the blue will show thru instead of glaring white ceiling.

Pretty clever, I know.

Except that I forgot that I just painted over my primer – the seams are where I want the paper to stick the absolute best.

So, one more coat of sealer/primer.

And another 3 – 12 hours of drying time.

Day #3

I made another blue chalk line thru the center of the first painted blue stripe so I would have a straight edge to line up with. Blue chalk line on blue paint. Who saw that one coming? Hmmm,

Everything I read/watched said to dry-fit a run of paper first, leaving several inches on each end to trim off later. Sounds easy enough.

Next spread paste on the backside, folding the wet sides together, and let the paste “cure” for 10 minutes. (There is no mention of “curing” in the directions on the paste can)

There’s no way this is a one man job, so after negotiating with Jamie (My attention to detail makes me an amazing art director, but unfortunately not so much fun to work with), he stood behind me holding the wet paper. We climbed onto the scaffolding and slowly lay the paper across the ceiling with the wallpaper brush. Everyone else, and I mean EVERYONE in EVERY video I watched, was able to slide the paper slightly to make adjustments.

Not me.

It stayed exactly where I put it the first time.

The First Strip of Ceilingpaper

Which, aside from a few minor wrinkles, and that it was sort of lined up with the blue line that I couldn’t see, looked ok.

The second piece is where shit got messy.

For this one we tried glue on paper – wait 5 minutes, and glue on ceiling.

Lining up the seams over our heads was much trickier than just matching a chalk line.  Although we were able to slide the paper in place a little easier, my initial run was less than straight, forcing this run to be even less than less than straight. 20 minutes later we at least had paper on the ceiling….. and wallpaper paste all over both of us, and the paper. (Luckily it wipes off with warm, slightly-soapy water) All that tension combined with the heat from the work lights might have caused some sharp words to be exchanged.

And even after I promised to play nice.

The Second Strip of Ceilingpaper

At least this piece also looked….. ok.

Thank the maker I had the foresight to paint blue stripes first.

I unrolled the remainder of the double roll to cut the third piece and….

Have I mentioned what a “repeat” is?

Pay attention, because I’m laying down some serious wallpaper installing wisdom right here. Every wallpaper has a repeat in the pattern so that pieces can be laid next to each other and the pattern continues seamlessly from one to the next. This paper has a repeat every 27 inches.

Over 2 FEET.

That means that I should have planned for at least 26 inches of wasted paper for every run.

I didn’t.

There’s a yardage calculator on the website where you plug-in your dimensions (12 feet X 10 feet) and it calculates how many rolls you’ll need (2 double rolls).

The fine print says to buy at least 10% extra to account for the repeat.

2 double rolls (33 feet on each) isn’t enough paper for 6 complete PATTERN-MATCHING runs.

The best I could get was 4…  and about 10 inches shy of a fifth.

CRAP!

I’m not going to sugar coat it…..

This was that moment of extreme panic.

There was much saltier language than before.

If I order another roll it could take another 2 months to receive. We can’t live with the room torn up for 2, or more, months. We don’t have time to hire a profesional installer either; like I should have in the first place. I didn’t want to work this hard and have to look at a

 big friggin’ patchwork-quilt mess,

GLUED TO OUR CEILING,

for the rest of our lives.

I closed the door and I made a stiff drink.

Day #4

After apologizing to Jamie and promising not to take any more of my frustrations out on him – seriously, there was no way I could finish this alone – just like Scarlett O’Harra, I put on my big-boy panties and made the best of the situation at hand..

I delivered Melanie’s baby without Dr. Meade.

We knew the formula to make the paste work and together we slowly put up two more runs. We knew that rest of the ceiling was gunna have to be whatever we had left over.

The last 10 inches of run number 5 is just a random piece that kinda matches up, and run number 6 is luckily only 4 inches wide. Three separate pieces, but still only 4 inches wide.

I spent the rest of the day trying to hide all my flaws:

  • Painted the exposed edges of the paper blue, it’s white
  • Glued down all those loose edges with Seam Repair
  • Cut out stars with cuticle scissors and glued them over every star that landed on a seam

Finished Wallpaper on Ceiling

When I look at it now, after three days of cursing and pasting paper over my head, here’s what I realize.

  • It doesn’t make the room look short.
  • No one will ever notice the pieces I patched.
  • It’s far from perfect, and that’s ok.
  • The blue changes depending on the light
  • The gold disappears depending on the light.
  • The seams are what they are.

After even more internal debate, I decided to paint the light cans and vent cover to camouflage them against the blue paper. Y’all may have noticed earlier that I already painted blue up inside the air vent.

Blue Paint on Ceiling Pieces

Glad I did too.

Finished Ceiling with Ralph Lauren Northern Hemisphere Wallpaper

Best decision I made yet.

Day #5

Unfortunately, all that wallpaper paste slinging around the room really gunked up the walls.

What’s one more day to repaint the whole room?

Guest Room Before Crown

Day #6

At this point, what’s even one more day to add crown molding too?

Guest Room After Crown

The crown seriously cleans up the edges.

My just-a-couple-hours project took a week.

Yes, this whole process was a tremendous pain in the ass,

(Exhale,)

But I think the end results are pure magic.

It really transforms the whole space.

Corner Shot of Ralph Lauren Northern Hemisphere Wallpaper on the Ceiling

Ralph Lauren Northern Hemisphere Wallpaper in Guest Room Over Cary Grant

Whitetail deer Mount with Ralph Lauren Northern Hemisphere Wallpaper in Guest Room

Corner of Guest Room with Ralph Lauren Northern Hemisphere Wallpaper on Ceiling

Nelson Saucer Lamp Against Ralph Lauren Northern Hemisphere Wallpaper

Angus Poster in Guestroom with Northern Hemisphere Wallpaper

As it stands today, thanks to Boys Life Magazine, I can always find the Big Dipper/Big Bear – Ursa Major. It contains the North Star, and also points towards the Little Dipper/Little Bear – Ursa Minor.

I can usually find the Scorpion, my birth sign. And, of course, Orion – the Hunter. 

I could find more when I was in grade school.

I would have lost it if this were my bedroom ceiling as a little boy…. falling asleep every night beneath Cassiopeia, and Andomeda, and Perseus just like our overnight guests someday will.

Did I mention that the stars glow in the dark?

Because they do.

Pure magic.

(Big pain in the ass that I’m never attempting again)

But pure magic.