I’ve worked with my dear friend Michelle for a little over 12 years now.
She left work for a few years to raise her family, but now that her kids are mostly out of the house, she’s returned to the store.
Because we’re about the same age we have almost the same tastes in fashion. (Although I’m willing to bet that I have a few more Star Wars t-shirts than she does.) When I recently won a vintage green/black Navajo western shirt on eBay that was just slightly too small for me (I’m fairly certain it was a lady’s blouse anyway) I knew right away that Michele would love it. And of course she did.
Even though we aren’t even close to the same size, she’s just going to roll up the sleeves and belt it.
Michele’s daughter, Emma (Isn’t that just the best literary name?) doesn’t necessarily share her Mother’s style. She’s 17, and 17 year-olds don’t dress like Michelle and I do now. So it was a bit of a surprise when Emma borrowed her Mother’s black lambskin leather jeans.
She called Michelle to give her a “head’s up” that she was going to see a movie with her friend Elizabeth Ann and her parents…….Oooh, and that she had borrowed those black pants.
“Which black pants?”
“Those shiny ones that you had wrapped in tissue. I think they’re leather, or something.”
“Emma, not my lambskin leather jeans?”
“Yeah, those I guess.”
“Emma, you can’t wear those to the movies. They’re ‘Standing up only’ Pants.”
I’d never heard of “standing up only” pants either….but I understood the concept right away. If you sit in them for too long the knees will stretch out. Severely. No one wants to walk around with baggy knees in their designer leather jeans. I have to admit that I have shoes that aren’t necessarily “walking around” shoes…..but they sure look cute when I’m sitting down at a party. And yes, I pry them off my swollen hooves the minute I get in the car and drive home barefoot because I don’t want to stretch them out either.
But it was a little too late for Michelle’s pants, because Emma was already wearing them at the theater.
She quietly slipped them back into her mother’s closet the next day looking completely unharmed.
Michelle ran into Elizabeth Ann’s Mother a few days later and amongst the usual Highland Park parent chit-chat she informed her that Emma, not being one to disappoint her Mother, was planning to stand in the back of the movie theater so as not to put any stress on the knees of her mother’s delicate pants. But instead, she had the brilliant idea to sit in a handicap seat with her legs stretched out straight in front of her….for the entire 2 hour + movie.
Which she did.
Because after all,
Michelle didn’t raise an inconsiderate daughter.
And that clever young lady had found a loop-hole in the “Standing Up Only” pants….