I’m not geriatric yet, but I’m older than I ever thought I’d be. I used to be aprehensive about turning a “certain age”… but not so much anymore. Even though most of my hair has a silver tinge, I have to get out of bed slowly so nothing “snaps”, I can’t read anything without glasses, and I have to pee at 4 am every morning. Overall, I feel the same as I did when I was 25.
Although, I have been happier for the last few years than I can ever remember. I’ve struggled with depression most of my life. Been in therapy a few times and even tried a handful of anti depressants. (probably even more depressants) But lately, everything has just come together. I’m in a great relationship, I’m a published writer, have a comfortable home and a Jeep I’ve paid off, and I have the career I’ve always dreamed of.
Does that mean that I’ve made a few good choices?
I think it does,
It’s the wisdom that comes from life experience that shapes who we are.
I’ve been reflecting on what I’ve learned the past 50 (Good God) years and the things I wish someone would have told me about 30 years ago because it might have saved quite a bit of time and frustration.
So here goes:
Advice to my younger self.
Let things go. So much wasted energy. We’re not even going to dwell on this one.
Step outside your comfort level. Eat at a new restaurant once in a while. Don’t be afraid to go to parties alone. Introduce yourself to strangers. Some of my best vacations have been from exploring cities on my own. “Buy the ticket and take the ride”
Some people are just assholes. They’re self-centered or slaves to their addictions. They’ll screw over friends, lovers and anyone else around them. These people make decisions for selfish reasons. Just be ready for it.
You can’t take it with you. It’s hard to believe that I just wrote that; someone who is currently sitting in a living scrap-book of a house containing every Martha Stewart Living magazine ever published, enough Christmas ornaments for 10+ households and all his childhood toys (with the boxes). But I really do believe it. When I lost a bag containing all my fraternity shirts a few years ago I was just devastated. Even though I know I was never going to wear any of them ever again. I may not have the t-shirts anymore, but I still have the memories……and those will always be with me.
Some services are worth paying for. Find a good tailor to hem those pants. Get your shoes shined. Go to the dentist regularly. Get a pedicure. Things that seem like luxuries can make a world of difference in how you feel about yourself.
Charm will take you much further than a tantrum. It took all my inner strength to keep calm and suggest that maybe Jo Ann’s Notions and Crafts should find a few more people to staff the fabric cutting table, rather than throwing a fit. There were 30 women waiting in line in front of me…..all waiting for one old lady to cut 3/4 a yard for them. A smile and a “thank you” worked. It usually does.
Shit happens. So expect it to, and just roll with it.
There are good people in the world. I lost my wallet once at an amusement park. Not only did it contain my entire cashed paycheck, but my brother’s half of our shared rent as well. I know, pretty stupid to have that much cash on me….. at an amusement park.… but I was young. Someone turned it in to the lost & found, with ALL the cash still in it. Simply unbelievable. I have no idea who it was, and I’ll never know, but I knew immediately that I wanted to be that person.
Character is earned. For years I was without a car. I did my best mooching rides off of people, taking cabs, and mostly riding the bus. This is a major confession in a city where people are judged almost entirely by the car. But I was self-sufficient. I was also able to save enough money to buy a decent car …… it took a while, years actually. But no one gave me any money. No one co-signed. I didn’t even bum a ride to the dealership. (I took the bus) I did it myself. That’s one of the things I’m most proud of in my life. People who have everything given to them rarely know the true value of anything.
Relationships will change. I have a few relationships under my belt by now, and I know – people change. It’s not your fault. It’s not their fault. You can’t always change with them. You won’t always be what they think they’re looking for. And that’s OK. No one enters a relationship with the intent of hurting the other person a few years later. And most people don’t leave one with that intent either. It’s just an unfortunate side effect.
You can’t make someone love/appreciate/value you. My type has always been the guy who just wasn’t that into me … but still wanted me close by – starting with the first one. I’ve spent way to much time trying to figure out what I didn’t do enough of. But you know what? If they really wanted to, they’d find the time for you. A text message only takes about 15 seconds. Don’t waste your energy on people who don’t return it. Instead, focus more on the ones who are glad to have you in their lives.
Always do your best work. I think this is also one of the four agreements and it’s so true. Being the perfectionist that I am, it’s usually difficult for me to walk away from any project – I still edit blog posts from 5 years ago. If someone can see it……I want it to be the absolute best that it can be. No one is impressed with someone who only does the bare minimum.
One last piece of advice;
Travel more. It’s cliche, I know, but nothing opens your eyes and mind more that new experiences. I love to travel – maybe not quite so much for work – and I’m finally at an age where I can afford to do things I couldn’t just a few years ago. Last week, Jamie and I made a bucket list. It was as varied as taking a day trip to Waco to experience Chip & Joanna Land to snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.
I want to see Machu Pichu and the Vatican.
Monument Valley, Alcatraz and Santorini.
Mercer House, Graceland and Casa Azul.
And I will too.
All this advice aside, I’ll still probably make a few bad decisions, I can be a little self-centered and I know that my sense of humor has occasionally been known to hurt people’s feelings.
But overall, I’m happy with the guy I grew up to be.
I was 16, spending the night at my friend Mike’s house, when we snuck out and saw my first midnight movie. Which also happened to be the GREATEST of all midnight movies; The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I had heard a little about this movie. I knew it was a rock-n-roll Frankenstein musical with transvestites. (transvestite used to be an actual word, look it up). My friend Mike, and his friend Steve, who drove us – he was the only one of us with a car – had no clue what it was about. They just knew there was something forbidden about it.
The crowd in line for tickets outside the Camp Bowie theater was a complete mess. Were they drunk? Stoned? Maybe both, I couldn’t tell. But they were loud… laughing and singing and smoking ……. they scared the living shit out of me. Most of them were totally overly-costumed – ripped fishnets, pearls, blue eye shadow… and that was just the boys.
“Those are some ugly-ass chicks”, was all Steve could say.
We waited in Steve’s car for the crowd to go inside, downed a couple wine coolers, then sauntered up to the window to get our tickets.
“Are you boys virgins?” from the man behind the glass.
“Hell No!” Steve, of course.
“Ooooookay then. You have fun”
Luckily for us, the theater wasn’t too full and we were able to get a row to ourselves close to the back.
But before the movie started, there were a few announcements from a rotund chick in sequined gold shorty-shorts and matching top hat; “No smoking”, “No throwing prunes” – followed by laughs, “No spitting.” the theater erupted with the response,
“SWALLOW!”
And finally, “Are there any virgins here tonight?”
“HELL NO!” from Steve again.
The entire theater turned and looked at us. Pretty sure they could tell that we were.
“Looks like we have some cherries to pop tonight.”
The three of us had no idea what we were in for.
The room went dark, big red lips appeared on the screen, the entire crowd started singing Science Fiction Double Feature…… and I was enthralled. Steve kept yelling, “Shut the hell up!” and I wondered why had we brought him? Oh yeah, he had the car. I was then pelted with rice – “Stop throwing shit!” from Steve, of course – as a group of costumed actors shadowed all the big screen action on the little three foot stage/ledge in front. When the audience started shooting water guns straight into the air, everyone – sans the three of us – held newspapers over their heads to stay dry. By the time they started dancing The Time Warp in the isles, I knew I was hooked…..I had found my people.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show isn’t just a movie.
It’s an experience.
Most movies are the sit quietly and watch kind, but not this one. Audience partici…..pation is what it’s all about. Sing along, yell at the screen, even dance in the isles – anything goes.
It isn’t too difficult to see why the small-town, sixteen-year-old me, who still didn’t know just how he fit into the world, would relate to a glam-rock movie with a clear message of;
“Just be who you are”
I’ve seen this movie dozens of times since that night, and it never fails to enchant me. Occasionally, I’d stumble upon it on late night TV, and watch it by myself… singing every song out loud. But the absolute best way to watch it is on the big screen, with a seasoned crowd… and a few virgins who don’t know what they’re in for.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show is the longest running theatrical release in the United States. It has never been pulled by 20th Century Fox from its original 1975 release, and it continues to play in movie theaters today. Based on the British stage play The Rocky Horror Show written by Richard O’Brian. Released in 1975 to some pretty terrible reviews, the film began to develop a cult following when it was limited to midnight showings in New York and California near college campuses. Audience members naturally began talking back to the screen and singing along with the soundtrack. Some theaters encouraged movie-goers to wear costumes by granting free admission and it didn’t take long for props to be included; noise-makers, toast, squirt guns, prunes, etc….
I found the original trailer on the Youtubes.
Why the sudden revived interest in R.H.P.S.?
So glad you asked.
This weekend is my birthday – a pretty significant one. And what better way to celebrate a half century of life than to revisit one of my favorite teenage memories?
The Texas Theater (where they captured Lee Harvey Oswald) and Cinewilde (Oak Cliff’s only LGBTQ film series) have graciously agreed to show The Rocky Horror Picture Show (this fFriday, November 16th @ 9:30pm) ……. just for my birthday.
Please, join me if you dare, I’d love to share this gem with y’all….
We’re still striving to eat healthy in this household.
In the past couple of years we’ve decreased our sugars, starches, salts, carbs, fats….yadda, yadda, yadda….I know. What’s left?
Fresh veggies. that’s what.
You may have been led to believe that “slaw” has to contain cabbage. Technically you’re right. But this crisp, autumn harvest version is about to change your opinion. Beets have been know to lower blood pressure, improve digestion, and even prevent cancer. Maybe raw beets aren’t your thing. But cooked vegetables loose their nutrients. Try this once, and I promise that the sweetness of the carrots and apples are the perfect balance to the raw slightly-tangy beets.
The ingredients for this salad/slaw are so simple.
2 Large Beets
2 Large Carrots
2 Large Apples (I use Honey Crisp)
You could spend a few hours julienne-ing all your fresh produce into perfect matchstick sized pieces….or you could use a mandolin.
(I actually found my mandolin, still in the box, in the William’s Sonoma dumpster. No lie. I used to park next to one, almost weekly, and the bounty I would dig out; like an almost complete set of Caphalon cookware and two Le Cruset dutch ovens with slightly chipped handles. It never hurts to look.)
Watch me now as I prepare food with my dumpster diving implements.
I prefer matchstick-sized bites so I use the smallest blades in the set and start with the carrots and apples, sliding them back and forth across the mandolin. Watch your fingers, this thing is sharp.
Since the beets will stain the apples red, I julienne them directly into a colander and run cold water over them for a few minutes.
Now the apples will be pink.
For the dressing you’ll need:
1/4 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar
1/4 Cup Olive Oil
1 Tablespoon Honey
3/4 Teaspoon Turmeric
Pinch of Salt
Fresh Mint
Whisk the first five ingredients together in a salad bowl.
I like to do a chunky chop rather than a perfect chiffonade to the mint. (so many French words to look up in this post)
Honestly, it’s easier to keep the big chunks of mint from sticking between my teeth.
Use as much mint as you like. I’m a huge fan, so I use about a 1/4 cup.
Toss everything together in a bowl and serve immediately.
This autumn slaw honestly takes about five minutes to make.
(It takes longer to clean the mandolin)
Aside from the beets and mint I usually have everything else.
For an added taste treat, try chilling the produce before you make it.