It’s no secret that I share some style loves with Diane Keaton.
We both love weathered metal, factory pendants, obviously stacks of books and magazines, Navajo rugs, vintage signs and Bauer pottery.
Her favorite fashion designer, also happens to be my favorite fashion designer.
I’ve shared a couple of her homesbefore, but this new one really blew my mind….so much to love here. I’m more than a little obsessed.
What did I tell ya?
Diane created a space that feels both old and new at the same time.
For the first time, she used Pinterestto create inspiration boards for the build and decor. Then chronicled the journey in her newest book The House that Pinterest Built. I’ve been addicted to Pinterest for years.
Don’t get too attached to this house though, Diane never does. If her history serves as an example, I guarantee this one will be on the market within a year and she will be on to her next house project.
Whenever I run into old high school friends or fraternity brothers, and I tell them that I’m working for Ralph Lauren, the response is always the same,
“Of course you are.”
When I was 13 years-old my mother bought me a pale orange oxford shirt with a polo player on the left chest. I wore that shirt everywhere, and with everything. I knew that it was more than just a piece of clothing …. it was a way of life. That perfect American life I’d seen advertised between the pages of Vanity Fair magazine – Bruce Webber images of guys riding horses, and families lounging on boats or playing touch football on the overly green lawn of a Hampton’s estate. It was from that moment on, I only wanted to wear shirts with four letters on the label….
P. O. L. O.
The walls of my bedroom were plastered with Ralph Lauren ads torn from Esquire and GQ. I didn’t save my baby-sitting money for a car like my friends were doing – I never really wanted one. I spent every dollar I had in the boy’s Polo department at Bloomingdale’s on bright-colored knits. I needed twice as many because I wore them layered two at a time, both collars flipped towards the heavens.
My first cologne; Polo green. I spritzed my sheets, my school locker, my Guinea pig.
In my teens, while most of my friends were experimenting with goth and new wave styles, I was in the full throes of W.A.S.P. I didn’t wear Reebok’s, my shoe of choice was a basic white tennis shoe with Polo on the heel. Socks, if I was wearing them, had a little man on a horse on each side.
I went through fraternity RUSH in cuffed white shorts and a navy cardigan sweater with big brass buttons. I was the frat guy who wore madras ties to keggers – madras that I meticulously matched to the pink and green in the fraternity crest on my navy blazer – the navy blazer I wore with everything. I mean, is there such a thing as a “navy blazer phase”? Because I had one.
Who made my first adult suit? You guessed it – Ralph Lauren. I had to put it on lay-a-way to afford it. It was a double-breasted, navy blue pinstripe number with peak lapels. I felt like Cary Grant every time I wore it.
But my passion wasn’t limited to just clothes anymore; there was the comforter that looked like a faded map of the Sarah desert, and chinathat could have come from a 1940’s roadside diner, candles that smelled like the ocean, serape beach towels and paint that mimicked the texture of suede …. it never stopped. I surrounded myself with the timeless designs of everything Ralph Lauren. He was the first fashion designer to produce anything other than clothes.
Lately, I have been hoarding Polo “conversational” ties from the 90s. Those are the ones with pictures of fishermen, or race cars, or maybe just one big cowboy boot emblazoned across them; a little reminiscent of the ties gangsters in 1940s movies would wear. I scour eBay for styles I’ve never seen before, or different color ways of old favorites …. or what I like to call “back ups”. (That means it’s one I already have) Jamie rolls his eyes every time I receive a soft, pillowy envelope in the mail. He knows it’s another never-to-be-worn, used tie.
Relax. At least I’m not buying crystal meth.
Do I wear any of the 150-200 I’ve amassed? No, not really. But I’m not parting with any either.
I’m not that natty of a dresser anymore.
In my later years I go more for comfort; overly washed western shirts, mended jeans and espadrilles is pretty much how I roll. Still faithful to my favorite fashion designer though. After all, I shop in one of his stores about 60 hours a week – I’ve been working in Ralph Lauren creative services since 2004.
I do wear a tie about twice a year. (I average about one funeral and one Broadway show per.)
I’ve recently discovered the importance of having a shirt with a front pocket. I used to scoff at the old men who would shuffle into Macy’s and complain about every shirt that was sans front pocket. Now I enjoy a place to stash my readers, and notes I’ve jotted down and medication that I have to wait and take with food. As I sit on an airplane writing these very words I’m wearing a shirt with TWO front pockets. One holds my phone and the other; my glasses, a wad of napkins, and the Visa card I intend to “quick draw” and pay for my bloody Mary. (The wad of napkins is for dabbing the tomato juice out of my mustache)
I’m on a flight returning from New York City ….. with a carefully rolled tie in my carry on.
No, I wasn’t attending a musical, or even a funeral.
That 13-year-old boy that I once was would never believe where I’ve been ….. at the Ralph Lauren 50th anniversary fashion show.
I opened my email Thursday afternoon and saw this…
Honestly, I stopped breathing.
Of the 200 seats available for the 50th Anniversary fashion show, a small handful were raffled off to RL employees (of which there are currently about 30,000) and I was chosen.
I got a golden ticket.
This was the day before the show. 27 hours before.
I have never bought a plane ticket that fast in my life….
The show was being held at the Bethesda Fountain in Central Park – one of my absolute favorite New York landmarks and a favorite of Mr. Lauren’s as well.
40 years ago, Woody Allen filmed Annie Hall here. Not only did the movie bring Diane Keaton an Oscar, it also introduced her to the young Ralph Lauren who created the “Annie Hall” Look for her character; integrating Men’s sportswear and ties. The two have been dear friends ever since and Dianne Keaton still dresses that way.
The platform above the fountain was the opening reception with 14 huge monitors streaming highlights of previous runway shows. “Ralph Lauren’s Greatest Hits” you might say. It was just spectacular.
I hear that this digital experience will be touring to a few stores around the country over the next few months.
My dates for the evening were my beautiful coworkers; Trinh, Bozena (my other Polish mother), and Becca.
Trinh and Becca are “senior sellers” and have already been to a few fashion shows. Bo has been working for us for 27 years now, and like me, this is her first show too.
Mr Lauren’s people filled the pedestrian tunnel under 72nd St transverse with patch-worked Persian rugs and pale green velvet benches. I’ve been in this tunnel before …. but I don’t remember it being nearly this beautiful.
I was honestly content to just stand in the back and watch the show but Bo grabbed my hand and lead me to a bench at the bottom of the steps and across from a row of reserved seats.
That’s the back of my head there. You can see Bo’s red hair in front of me.
I also managed to photo bomb this pic.
After a few minutes, Ralph’s oldest son, Andrew, appeared and sat in one of those reserved seats.
“Bo, I’ll bet we’re sitting across from the Lauren family”
Sure enough, within a few minutes, Mr Lauren’s children and their spouses were assembled almost directly across from us. I’ve known all of their faces for decades. His lovely wife Ricky, in a shimmery gold pant suit, was the last to arrive.
The lights dimmed, Dion and Paul Simon started singing New York is My Home, and the show began.
As the models slowly descended the stairs I realized that these looks were inspired by my favorite of all Mr. Lauren’s muses …. the bohemian girl. Anything goes with this chick. If her baggy cardigan is too loose, she wraps an old leather belt around it. She likes these kinds of contrasts and would confidently wear a baseball shirt with a beaded skirt or a plaid flannel work shirt over an evening gown. There were rich velvets and brocades in jewel tones mixed with buttery leathers and what could have been heirloom chandelier earrings.
I was really in for a treat, because for the very first time the high-fashion models on the Ralph Lauren catwalk were accompanied by men in Double RL. (The vintage inspired men’s line named after the Lauren’s cattle ranch in Telluride Colorado; The RRL Ranch) I recognized a couple of the guys as RRL collectors that I stalk on Instagram. There’s not much advertising for this line and because the pieces are made in such limited quantities there’s a cult-like demand for them on the secondary market. Most of my favoritewardrobe pieces are RRL.
As I sat there listening to Bruce Springsteen’s Secret Garden echoing through the space, my eyes started to swell.
This was really happening.
I was really here.
The show ended with Gigi Hadid slowly climbing the stairs in a strapless crazy quilt-like gown with an American flag carefully entwined in the patchwork. Pure genius.
But Ralph wasn’t done yet,
Neil Diamond belted out Forever in Blue Jeans and then there were children, and couples, whole familys even, walking down the steps. It was the Polo line, mixed and reimagined as street wear. There was something for everyone here, young and old. All the preppy staples were still there; tweed sport coats, plaid flannels, and club ties – and of course the heritage school pieces like baseball jackets, rugby shirts and Letterman sweaters – as well as Ralph’s icons; the American flag sweater and the Polo bear. (They even worked in one of those vintage graphic ties I love) It was the Polo I grew up with …. have been living with …. only more relaxed.
This was Ralph’s America.
The models – a few I recognized as friends and family of other employees, even Pierce Brosnan’s son, Paris – well over 100 at this point, gathered on the steps. As the last notes of Neil Diamond’s America was playing the crowd parted and Mr. Ralph Lauren made his way down to the front.
There he was.
The man whose name was printed along the waistband of my underwear.
We all leapt to our feet and he humbly thanked us for supporting him these past 50 years. He was just a Jewish kid from the Bronx who knew nothing about fashion and wanted to make pretty ties …. and now he was all of this.
I lost it and cried some more.
I never imagined that I would get this opportunity one day……
I’m genuinely honored that I can use my talents to help promote Ralph Lauren.
A man, that I truly do believe in.
Of course I do, he’s been a part of me for more than three-fourths of my life
Happy 50th anniversary Mr Lauren.
If you wanna see the show, and you should, it’s available to watch now at RalphLauren.com.
“Am I buying anything from the show?” you may ask.
You better believe it, I’m ordering these yellow cords with the writing all over them.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw something move across the sheets.
A tiny brown speck a little larger than a sesame seed. But a sesame seed on a mission – a mission to crawl across my bed.
It was in my bed and it was a bug
Bed + Bug = BED BUG
I scooped it into a nearby water-glass and immediately started ripping apart our master bed.
If you’ve even seen our bed, you know that there are a lot of layers. Comforter; immediately into the washing machine on EXTRA hot. Down duvet; TRASH. Sheets and pillowcases; pile on the garage floor and into the washer immediately after the comforter. (Always separate your colors, even in times of infestation) Limited Edition Pendleton blanket (that everyone offers to buy); Zip-Loc bagged and into the freezer for now, dry cleaners the very next morning. Feather bed; TRASH. Heating pad; TRASH. Pillow inserts; TRASH.
What happened next was an atomic level of vacuuming. And trust me, I know how to obsess with a vacuum cleaner. I vacuumed that mattress like I was Christina and Joan Crawford was standing behind me with 2 wire hangers in her hand. Didn’t really matter, because I was dragging it to the street anyway; as soon as I was satisfied…that Joan herself would be satisfied. My mind was already racing about buying that new mattress/box spring combo, and I might as well order a new sisal rug from Pottery Barn too, because the current rug was also going to the street.
I know enough about bed bugs to look in all the mattress crevices. That’s where they hide…AND lay eggs. (Insert shudder here) Our mattress and box spring are actually covered in a tiny blue polka dot pattern that is absolutely maddening when one is searching for insects that are the size of…well, tiny blue polka dots.
Still, even with a magnifying glass and a flashlight, I wasn’t finding any creepy crawlies.
I dragged the mattress off the box spring and resumed with the vacuum. Still nothing. Until I lifted up the box spring and looked underneath. 2 more little brownish/yellow bugs moving slowly across the black lining. I flicked each of them into the glass with the first intruder.
The first bug was overjoyed (I’m assuming) with the companionship and immediately climbed on top of the bug closest to him for a humping session. Great…I was his “wingman”.
True story; for a brief moment in grade school I wanted to be an entomologist – although I’m pretty sure that I called it a “Bug Scientist” at the time. I was always bringing home crickets, praying mantis, monarch caterpillars, water striders, black widows, big red harvester ants, cicadas and anything else with six or more legs that I could coerce into a Miracle Whip jar with air holes poked into the lid. I’m still fascinated by insects. Just ask Jamie. I talk to the honey bees and garden spiders in our yard every time I see them and last summer I thought I had a pretty good relationship going with the praying mantis that lived on our back deck. I’ve held off hiring an exterminator just so I can keep these little interactions. Sure, about once a month I might see a palmetto bug scurry across the kitchen floor (they sneak under the garage door and eat Harley’s dog food) but that’s the price I was willing pay just to keep a one-sided relationship with a feral praying mantis.
But not anymore – I draw the line at being something’s dinner while I sleep – these buggers were going down.
I called Orkin then next morning.
But something about the bugs I was finding in our room didn’t seem right. They were beautiful; richly colored and almost velvet-like. Not the blood-engorged monsters that kept popping up with Google and Bing.
So I tried searching under “Bugs That Resemble Bed Bugs”.
And there they were, carpet beetles. Makes sense because they looked just like Persian rugs. (I know you can’t tell in this picture, so you’ll just have to believe me)
Not bloodsuckers, but still invasive. They eat mohair teddy bears, Pendleton blankets and cashmere sweaters. All favorite things of mine.
So that you, gentle readers, may learn from the wisdom of our experience, here’s a few of the common household invaders that might be mistaken for bed bugs;
Fingers crossed that none of you will ever have to deal with that kind of stress.
The Orkin man arrived, 3.5 hours after our scheduled appointment, the next day and confirmed my conclusion.
NOT bed bugs. WHEW. Huge Relief.
Actually, he said they were tobacco beetles, but he was clearly wrong.
They were carpet beetles.
Trust me, I was going to be a entomologist when I was 9.