The First Fifty

Posted by James on November 18, 2018
Posted in: New Home. 28 Comments

James at the State Fair 2017

Today is my birthday.

Thank you.

I’m not geriatric yet, but I’m older than I ever thought I’d be. I used to be aprehensive about turning a “certain age”… but not so much anymore. Even though most of my hair has a silver tinge, I have to get out of bed slowly so nothing “snaps”, I can’t read anything without glasses, and I have to pee at 4 am every morning. Overall, I feel the same as I did when I was 25.

Although, I have been happier for the last few years than I can ever remember. I’ve struggled with depression most of my life. Been in therapy a few times and even tried a handful of anti depressants. (probably even more depressants) But lately, everything has just come together. I’m in a great relationship, I’m a published writer, have a comfortable home and a Jeep I’ve paid off, and I have the career I’ve always dreamed of.
Does that mean that I’ve made a few good choices?
I think it does,
It’s the wisdom that comes from life experience that shapes who we are.
I’ve been reflecting on what I’ve learned the past 50 (Good God) years and the things I wish someone would have told me about 30 years ago because it might have saved quite a bit of time and frustration.
So here goes:

Advice to my younger self.

Let things go. So much wasted energy. We’re not even going to dwell on this one.
Step outside your comfort level. Eat at a new restaurant once in a while. Don’t be afraid to go to parties alone.  Introduce yourself to strangers. Some of my best vacations have been from exploring cities on my own. “Buy the ticket and take the ride”
Some people are just assholes. They’re self-centered or slaves to their addictions. They’ll screw over friends, lovers and anyone else around them. These people make decisions for selfish reasons. Just be ready for it.
You can’t take it with you. It’s hard to believe that I just wrote that; someone who is currently sitting in a living scrap-book of a house containing every Martha Stewart Living magazine ever published, enough Christmas ornaments for 10+ households and all his childhood toys (with the boxes). But I really do believe it. When I lost a bag containing all my fraternity shirts a few years ago I was just devastated. Even though I know I was never going to wear any of them ever again. I may not have the t-shirts anymore, but I still have the memories……and those will always be with me.
Some services are worth paying for. Find a good tailor to hem those pants. Get your shoes shined. Go to the dentist regularly. Get a pedicure. Things that seem like luxuries can make a world of difference in how you feel about yourself.
Charm will take you much further than a tantrum. It took all my inner strength to keep calm and suggest that maybe Jo Ann’s Notions and Crafts should find a few more people to staff the fabric cutting table, rather than throwing a fit. There were 30 women waiting in line in front of me…..all waiting for one old lady to cut 3/4 a yard for them. A smile and a “thank you” worked. It usually does.
Shit happens. So expect it to, and just roll with it.
There are good people in the world. I lost my wallet once at an amusement park. Not only did it contain my entire cashed paycheck, but my brother’s half of our shared rent as well. I know, pretty stupid to have that much cash on me….. at an amusement park.… but I was young. Someone turned it in to the lost & found, with ALL the cash still in it. Simply unbelievable. I have no idea who it was, and I’ll never know, but I knew immediately that I wanted to be that person.
Character is earned. For years I was without a car. I did my best mooching rides off of people, taking cabs, and mostly riding the bus. This is a major confession in a city where people are judged almost entirely by the car. But I was self-sufficient. I was also able to save enough money to buy a decent car …… it took a while, years actually. But no one gave me any money. No one co-signed. I didn’t even bum a ride to the dealership. (I took the bus) I did it myself. That’s one of the things I’m most proud of in my life. People who have everything given to them rarely know the true value of anything.
Relationships will change. I have a few relationships under my belt by now, and I know – people change. It’s not your fault. It’s not their fault. You can’t always change with them. You won’t always be what they think they’re looking for. And that’s OK. No one enters a relationship with the intent of hurting the other person a few years later. And most people don’t leave one with that intent either. It’s just an unfortunate side effect.
You can’t make someone love/appreciate/value you. My type has always been the guy who just wasn’t that into me … but still wanted me close by – starting with the first one. I’ve spent way to much time trying to figure out what I didn’t do enough of. But you know what? If they really wanted to, they’d find the time for you. A text message only takes about 15 seconds. Don’t waste your energy on people who don’t return it. Instead, focus more on the ones who are glad to have you in their lives.
Always do your best work. I think this is also one of the four agreements and it’s so true. Being the perfectionist that I am, it’s usually difficult for me to walk away from any project – I still edit blog posts from 5 years ago. If someone can see it……I want it to be the absolute best that it can be. No one is impressed with someone who only does the bare minimum.
One last piece of advice;
Travel more. It’s cliche, I know, but nothing opens your eyes and mind more that new experiences. I love to travel – maybe not quite so much for work – and I’m finally at an age where I can afford to do things I couldn’t just a few years ago. Last week, Jamie and I made a bucket list. It was as varied as taking a day trip to Waco to experience Chip & Joanna Land to snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.
I want to see Machu Pichu and the Vatican.
Monument Valley, Alcatraz and Santorini.
Mercer House, Graceland and Casa Azul.
And I will too.
All this advice aside, I’ll still probably make a few bad decisions, I can be a little self-centered and I know that my sense of humor has occasionally been known to hurt people’s feelings.
But overall, I’m happy with the guy I grew up to be.
And 50 isn’t the end of anything,
It’s just the begining.

35 Years of Rocky Horror

Posted by James on November 14, 2018
Posted in: Did Ya Know?, New Home. Tagged: , . 12 Comments

Tim Curry in The Rocky Horror Picture Show

I was 16, spending the night at my friend Mike’s house, when we snuck out and saw my first midnight movie. Which also happened to be the GREATEST of all midnight movies; The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I had heard a little about this movie. I knew it was a rock-n-roll Frankenstein musical with transvestites. (transvestite used to be an actual word, look it up). My friend Mike, and his friend Steve, who drove us – he was the only one of us with a car – had no clue what it was about. They just knew there was something forbidden about it.

The crowd in line for tickets outside the Camp Bowie theater was a complete mess. Were they drunk? Stoned? Maybe both, I couldn’t tell. But they were loud… laughing and singing and smoking ……. they scared the living shit out of me. Most of them were totally overly-costumed – ripped fishnets, pearls, blue eye shadow… and that was just the boys.

“Those are some ugly-ass chicks”, was all Steve could say.

We waited in Steve’s car for the crowd to go inside, downed a couple wine coolers, then sauntered up to the window to get our tickets.

“Are you boys virgins?” from the man behind the glass.

“Hell No!” Steve, of course.

“Ooooookay then. You have fun”

Luckily for us, the theater wasn’t too full and we were able to get a row to ourselves close to the back.

But before the movie started, there were a few announcements from a rotund chick in sequined gold shorty-shorts and matching top hat; “No smoking”, “No throwing prunes” – followed by laughs, “No spitting.” the theater erupted with the response,

“SWALLOW!”

And finally, “Are there any virgins here tonight?”

“HELL NO!” from Steve again.

The entire theater turned and looked at us. Pretty sure they could tell that we were.

“Looks like we have some cherries to pop tonight.”

The three of us had no idea what we were in for.

The room went dark, big red lips appeared on the screen, the entire crowd started singing Science Fiction Double Feature…… and I was enthralled. Steve kept yelling, “Shut the hell up!” and I wondered why had we brought him? Oh yeah, he had the car. I was then pelted with rice – “Stop throwing shit!” from Steve, of course – as a group of costumed actors shadowed all the big screen action on the little three foot stage/ledge in front. When the audience started shooting water guns straight into the air, everyone – sans the three of us – held newspapers over their heads to stay dry. By the time they started dancing The Time Warp in the isles, I knew I was hooked…..I had found my people.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show isn’t just a movie.

It’s an experience.

Most movies are the sit quietly and watch kind, but not this one. Audience partici…..pation is what it’s all about. Sing along, yell at the screen, even dance in the isles – anything goes.

It isn’t too difficult to see why the small-town, sixteen-year-old me, who still didn’t know just how he fit into the world, would relate to a glam-rock movie with a clear message of;

“Just be who you are”

I’ve seen this movie dozens of times since that night, and it never fails to enchant me. Occasionally, I’d stumble upon it on late night TV, and watch it by myself… singing every song out loud. But the absolute best way to watch it is on the big screen, with a seasoned crowd… and a few virgins who don’t know what they’re in for.

Columbia

It's Just a Jump to the Left

Janet Weis and Brad Majors

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is the longest running theatrical release in the United States. It has never been pulled by 20th Century Fox from its original 1975 release, and it continues to play in movie theaters today. Based on the British stage play The Rocky Horror Show written by Richard O’Brian. Released in 1975 to some pretty terrible reviews, the film began to develop a cult following when it was limited to midnight showings in New York and California near college campuses. Audience members naturally began talking back to the screen and singing along with the soundtrack. Some theaters encouraged movie-goers to wear costumes by granting free admission and it didn’t take long for props to be included; noise-makers, toast, squirt guns, prunes, etc….

I found the original trailer on the Youtubes.

Why the sudden revived interest in R.H.P.S.?

So glad you asked.

This weekend is my birthday – a pretty significant one.  And what better way to celebrate a half century of life than to revisit one of my favorite teenage memories?

The Texas Theater (where they captured Lee Harvey Oswald) and Cinewilde (Oak Cliff’s only LGBTQ film series) have graciously agreed to show The Rocky Horror Picture Show (this fFriday, November 16th @ 9:30pm) ……. just for my birthday.

Please, join me if you dare, I’d love to share this gem with y’all….

Especially if you’re a virgin.

The Beet Goes On….

Posted by James on November 11, 2018
Posted in: New Home. 6 Comments

Autumn Coleslaw from the Cavender Diary Boys

We’re still striving to eat healthy in this household.

In the past couple of years we’ve decreased our sugars, starches, salts, carbs, fats….yadda, yadda, yadda….I know. What’s left?

Fresh veggies. that’s what.

You may have been led to believe that “slaw” has to contain cabbage. Technically you’re right. But this crisp, autumn harvest version is about to change your opinion. Beets have been know to lower blood pressure, improve digestion, and even prevent cancer. Maybe raw beets aren’t your thing. But cooked vegetables loose their nutrients. Try this once, and I promise that the sweetness of the carrots and apples are the perfect balance to the raw slightly-tangy beets.

The ingredients for this salad/slaw are so simple.

  • 2 Large Beets
  • 2 Large Carrots
  • 2 Large Apples (I use Honey Crisp)

Beets Apples and Carrots

You could spend a few hours julienne-ing all your fresh produce into perfect matchstick sized pieces….or you could use a mandolin.

(I actually found my mandolin, still in the box, in the William’s Sonoma dumpster. No lie. I used to park next to one, almost weekly, and the bounty I would dig out; like an almost complete set of Caphalon cookware and two Le Cruset dutch ovens with slightly chipped handles. It never hurts to look.)

Watch me now as I prepare food with my dumpster diving implements.

I prefer matchstick-sized bites so I use the smallest blades in the set and start with the carrots and apples, sliding them back and forth across the mandolin. Watch your fingers, this thing is sharp.

Julianning Carots on the Mandolin

Jullianed Apples and Carots

Since the beets will stain the apples red, I julienne them directly into a colander and run cold water over them for a few minutes.

Now the apples will be pink.

Rinse the Beets Throughly

For the dressing you’ll need:

  • 1/4 Cup Apple Cider Vinegar
  • 1/4 Cup Olive Oil
  • 1 Tablespoon Honey
  • 3/4 Teaspoon Turmeric
  • Pinch of Salt
  • Fresh Mint

Dressing Ingredients

Whisk the first five ingredients together in a salad bowl.

Mixing the Dressing

I like to do a chunky chop rather than a perfect chiffonade to the mint. (so many French words to look up in this post)

Honestly, it’s easier to keep the big chunks of mint from sticking between my teeth.

Use as much mint as you like. I’m a huge fan, so I use about a 1/4 cup.

Shefinade the Mint

Toss everything together in a bowl and serve immediately.

Autumn Coleslaw

This autumn slaw honestly takes about five minutes to make.

(It takes longer to clean the mandolin)

Aside from the beets and mint I usually have everything else.

For an added taste treat, try chilling the produce before you make it.

You’re welcome.

Mad Monster Party ?

Posted by James on October 28, 2018
Posted in: New Home. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 Comments

Remember those clay-mation Christmas specials that the team of Rankin-Bass produced in the 60s and 70s? You know the ones; with the Heat Miser/Cold Miser or Rudolf dealing with a somewhat gay elf who dreams of being a dentist.

Yeah, those. They’ve been on TV steadily for over 50 years now.

But did y’all know that the creative team also produced a Halloween-themed feature film as well?

Mad Monster Party Promo Poster

Mad Monster Party? debuted in theaters on March 8, 1967, just missing the mid 60’s monster mania that propelled The Munsters and The Addams Family into pop culture stardom.

The plot isn’t too different from the kinds of campy horror movies that Abbott & Costello or the Three Stooges stared in. It all centers around a weekend party being hosted by the evil Baron (Karloff), at his mansion on a Caribbean isle – The Isle of Evil. Say that real fast…….and it sounds like “I Love Evil”. Cute, right?,  – where he has figured out some kind of formula that will allow him to destroy the world.

How much more child-friendly can you get?

Overall, ……… it’s not very good.

The stop-motion “Animagic”, is ……. “clunky”, ……..at best. “Animagic” is the same stop motion technique used for King Kong, Gumby and Davy and Goliath.

Did anyone else ever find it a coincidence that Davy is the only one who hears the dog talk? Just like David Berkowitz?

But I digress.

Felix with IT in Mad Monster Party

The monster’s names, most of which were copyrighted at the time, are mostly similar to the famous monsters they are supposed to represent. Here are some examples;

Luckily for the viewers, “Count Dracula”, “Dr Jeckel and Mr. Hyde” and “The Invisible Man” were all in the public domain at the time.

However, Quasimodo is refereed to as “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”, The Creature from the Black Lagoon is simply “Creature”, and the Wolfman is “The Werewolf”.

And King Kong, straight out of left field, is oddly renamed “It”.

Since the names “Dr. Frankenstein”, “The Bride of Frankenstein”, and “Frankenstein’s Monster” were obviously too costly for the producers use, they’re reassigned the names “The Baron”, “The Monster’s Mate”, and strangest of all, “Fang”. (the name Diller used to refer to her own husband in her stage routine)

MAD-MONSTER-PARTY-7

But that doesn’t stop Mad Monster Party? from having certain charms.

madmonsterparty7

The cast is led by Boris Karloff (one of several child-friendly projects Karloff lent his voice to in his final years, like How the Grinch Stole Christmas!). Phyllis Diller, Gale Garnett, and Allen Swift complete the cast. Karloff’s character of the Baron (aptly named Boris by the way) and his creation, The Monster – Fang, bare a charming resemblance to the actual actor. This was Karloff’s last project related to Frankenstein, the role that made him a household name, before his death just 2 years later.

The Baron in Mad Monster Party

Voice actor Allen Swift is truly the standout performer in this one. He voices every male character in the film, except The Barron, of course, and does spot on parodies yanked straight from old Hollywood. Our hero Felix Flankin – Jimmy Stewart. (Felix works for a pharmacist whose last name is Krankheit, German for “sickness”.) The Baron’s lackey, Yetch, is a perfect Peter Lorre. The Invisible Man – Sydney Greenstreet. And the freighter captain – Charles Laughton.

Hopefully y’all watch enough T.C.M. to not need to Google any of those actors.

Felix in Mad Monster Party

The script was written by Len Korobkin and Mad Magazine creator Harvey Kurtzman. If you’re a red-blooded male somewhere around my age, you’ll probably remember Kurtzman’s comic strip “Little Annie Fanny” that ran in every issue of Playboy magazine from 1962 until about 1988.

But I digress again,

The songs are absolutely terrible. And I’m being generous here.

The all skeleton band at the banquet, Little Tibia and the Fibians, look an awful lot like the Beatles… or maybe the Rolling Stones…. or possibly even the Kinks…. only in terrible mod red wigs.

mad-monster-party-2

Their song, Mr. Mummy – that The Monster’s Mate and the Mummy dance to, is a terrible parody of Wooly Bully by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs.

OOOhhhh, wait. Now I get it.

Zombie Bellhops from Mad Monster Party

The final scene is a direct take-off of one of my favorite movies, Some Like it Hot. 

(If you’ve never seen Some Like it Hot, we can’t be friends.)

Not sure there’s too much more that’s memorable in this one, but it did obviously inspire Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas and Adam Sandler/Robert Smigel’s Hotel Transylvania. Those zombie bellhops look awfully familiar.

Mad Monster Party? is currently available on iTunes. But if you’re lucky, you might be able to catch it on late-night cable in October.
Give it a try.
and Happy Halloween.

It’s a MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD Magazine

Posted by James on October 25, 2018
Posted in: Did Ya Know?, New Home. Tagged: , , , . 10 Comments

I found this old Halloween issue of MAD magazine from 1960 recently,

Halloween MAD Magazine

Love the headless horseman graphic.

It just screamed, “Frame me and put me on your mantle”.

So naturally,  I did.

I haven’t actually read a MAD magazine since John Lennon was alive, so I did a little research.

MAD magazine is an American humor magazine founded in 1952 by editor Harvey Kurtzman. It was originally launched as a comic book, but converted to magazine form in 1955. There have been about 550 issues and circulation peaked in 1974 with just over two million subscribers. (Pretty impressive for a magazine who’s readers mature out of it by age 14).

I know that most people would never consider MAD magazine to be a thought provoker, but from it’s very beginning, MAD showcased a spot-on satire of everything in popular American culture; movies, TV, advertising campaigns, politics, the media, and especially the nuclear family.

In 2007, Los Angeles Times reporter Robert Boyd wrote, “All I really need to know I learned from MAD magazine”, stating:

The magazine instilled in me a habit of mind, a way of thinking about a world rife with false fronts, small print, deceptive ads, booby traps, treacherous language, double standards, half truths, subliminal pitches and product placements; it warned me that I was often merely the target of people who claimed to be my friend; it prompted me to mistrust authority, to read between the lines, to take nothing at face value, to see patterns in the often shoddy construction of movies and TV shows; and it got me to think critically in a way that few actual humans charged with my care ever bothered to.

Pretty deep…..Right?

When you really think about it, it’s not hard to see the influence that MAD Magazine has had over the last 65+ years; The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live, Stephen Colbert, The Family Guy, Dr Dimento, The National Lampoon, Caddy Shack, Jim Carey, South Park, The Daily Show, Weird Al Yankovic, and The Onion.

Looks pretty good framed too.

Do You Know Charles Addams ?

Posted by James on October 21, 2018
Posted in: Did Ya Know?, New Home. Tagged: , . 7 Comments

Charles Addams in Life Magazine

Charles Samuel Addams, although he signed most of his illustrations Chas Addams, was an American cartoonist known for his darkly humorous and macabre characters.

As a young boy, Addams was fond of breaking into decrepit mansions and visiting the Presbyterian Cemetery. A childhood friend of his described him as having: “a sense of humor that was a little different from everybody else’s.”

His father encouraged him to draw, so Addams did cartoons for his Westfield High School student literary magazine, the Weather Vane.

In 1933, he joined the layout department of True Detective magazine, where it was his job was to retouch photos of corpses that appeared in the magazine’s stories; removing most – if not all – of the blood and gore. Addams complained: “A lot of those corpses were more interesting the way they were.”

Addams’ first drawing for The New Yorker, a sketch of a window washer, ran on February 6, 1932, and his cartoons ran regularly in the magazine from 1938, when he drew the first in the series that came to be called The Addams Family, until his death. He was a freelancer the entire time.

In late 1942, he met his first wife, Barbara, who purportedly resembled his cartoon character Morticia Addams. The marriage ended eight years later, after Addams, who hated children, refused to have any or even adopt one.

In 1954, Addams married his second wife, also named Barbara. A practicing lawyer, Barbara number two also had Morticia-like looks but combined with diabolical legal scheming, by which she wound up controlling The Addams Family television and film franchises and even persuaded her husband to give away other legal rights. At one point, she convinced him to take out a $100,000 life insurance policy. When Addams consulted a lawyer about the move, the lawyer told him that the last time he had heard of such an thing was in the movie Double Indemnity with Barbara Stanwyck. (Stanwyck’s character was plotting her husband’s murder.) He and Barbara number two divorced in 1956.

Addams married his third and final wife, Marilyn, in a pet cemetery. In 1985, the Addamses moved to Sagaponack, New York, to an estate they lovingly named “The Swamp”.

Some of his recurring characters became known as the “Addams Family”. It was television producer David Levy who approached Addams with an offer to create a television show based on these drawings. All Addams was required to do was give his characters names and more characteristics for the actors to use in portrayals. The series ran on ABC for two seasons, from 1964 to 1966, and has been in syndication ever since; spawning four movies, an animated series and even a stage musical.

Addams drew more than 1,300 cartoons over the course of his life. The films The Old Dark House and Murder by Death (one of my favorites) both feature title sequences that he illustrated. Addams died on September 29, 1988, at the age of 76, suffering a heart attack in his parked car.

He was cremated and his ashes buried in the pet cemetery on his estate, “The Swamp”.

Here are a few of Addams’s dark cartoons;

Enjoy.

Anthropoligist for LunchBaby MonsterCan't do Anything RightDeath RayDrop the KeysForgive YouPoison him Back